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The New Pinniped Zodiac began when the internet was born. Like the web, it's impossible to know when exactly the NPZ came true, but we pick a date anyway.
When our fledgling ideology first began to stretch her wings in the psychedelic blur of the ARPANET days, we had no reputation to ruin.
It wasn't until the Un-Seal's rediscovery in 1983 that the NPZ became formidable enough to be called a pseudoscience cult and we were retroactively contaminated.
During the turn of the century, largely due to the birth of the Un-Seal's Paradox, the NPZ again gained popular attention. By the Miyun Reservoir scandal of 2016 there were multiple social media accounts claiming to be the 'official' New Pinniped Zodiac web presence.
Of course, there is no official New Pinniped Zodiac web presence. Each precious soul must decide for itself where to offer its trust, attention, and belief. Do you believe me here?
Today, as the existential threat of the Un-Seal's Paradox grows exponentially by the minute, the NPZ is uniquely distasteful on all fronts.
Our fundamental stance that spiritual truth is important, uncertain, and only available for legitimization on the level of the individual soul is 1) a buzzkill for would-be zealots 2) toothless for political extremists and 3) trecherously slippery for scientists.
We're unsatisfying both to those who want an answer and those who want no answer. We exist on the cusp of insanity, homemaking on a rock in the sun. This structural flexibility is exactly how we intend to survive the Un-Seal's Paradox.
To learn more about the NPZ signs, visit our NPZ signs page.
If you'd like to stay in the New Pinniped Zodiac's orbit, we have the NPZ Horoscope show available most places you'd expect to find a podcast.
Here it is on Buzzsprout, and here it is on the Penelope Scott Substack.
Anyone willing to step into NPZ world is welcome to write into the show with a question for the NPZ, and Penelope will try to give a meaningful answer.
